My Worst Date Ever

UPDATE:

I was forced to add an update to this blog post that I wrote almost nine years ago, because a female from Canada (that I do not know at all), decided to accuse me of being racist.  She calls her self Lydia on the post and here is the link.

https://medium.com/@lydiandragon/a-lesbian-flag-for-everyone-cef397b89459

Lydia’s post has gone somewhat viral over social media, and the amount of hate mail I have received has gotten out of control.  People like Lydia, that spread false accusations all over the internet, only contribute to the ignorance and bullying that forces some people to perform revolting acts.  Lydia is completely naive and should really put this to an end.

First of all, it is impossible for me to be racist.  I am 50% southeast asian, 25% Scottish, and 25% African American.  I was raised in a tough neighborhood in the Southside of Chicago. It really cannot get more multicultural and racially diverse than that.  I am not physically attracted to Asian women, and there is nothing wrong with that.  I’m sure that many of you have a “type” that turns you on more than others.  I actually prefer dating Hispanic women, because to me…they have more attractive features.  #Jenniferlopez. Some people like big booties, some people like small booties. Being attracted to certain types of women does not make someone racist.  

I am also not biphobic.  I’ve dated more bisexuals than lesbians, but all of my long term relationships have been with lesbians.  Bisexuals tend to “flip-flop” a little too much for me, and there is nothing wrong with that either.  

It makes me really sad that Lydia has gone on to destroy my reputation.  I spend countless hours volunteering to help homeless LGBTQ youth in New York City.  Almost half of the homeless in NYC are young LGBTQ and most of them are transgender.  I am very involved with the gay community and help organize fundraisers to keep the few LGBTQ shelters we have open.   Many of the homeless youth that I support have been abused and sexually exploited.   But Lydia…had the audacity to slander me online as a racist.  I would like to know what she does to help the gay community.  Apparently, she is only adding to the hostility, and so are all of you that support her.  

Many, many years ago and in a drunken stupor, I made out with some random girl at a bar.  
The bar was very dimly lit and I had huge beer goggles on that night. The only thing I could really see was that she was skinny and had really long blonde hair. Anyhow, she asked me out on a date and I accepted. I don’t remember her name so for story purposes I’ll call her Jane.

A few days later I met up with her and she took me to dinner at some cheap Mexican restaurant.  When I first saw Jane without my beer goggles on, I was totally shocked and disappointed.  Of course she had to be hideous.  She had horrible skin with huge zits covered up with inches of the wrong color makeup.  Jane was actually Asian, which is not my type at all.  She totally threw me off with the blonde hair that night.  It’s so amazing how much beautiful everything looks when you’ve had too much to drink.  It was about 85 degrees outside and Jane was wearing a long sleeved sweater, huge jeans, and a fur Kangol hat.   Who the hell wears a fur hat in the summer???  Before we even stepped into the restaurant, I knew that I was in for a very long and tortuous evening.

Now I love food and want to be with a girl that can EAT!  Before the waiter came to take our order, Jane complained and complained about how hungry she was since she was too busy working all day to eat anything.  I just stared in amazement when she ordered spring greens with no dressing and a diet coke.  “Great, I’m out with an anorexic freak show,” I thought.  Besides being ugly and having strange eating habits, having a conversation with Jane was like pulling teeth.  This is how the conversation went.

Jane:  “I work so much, and I’m soooo busy.”  And she takes a tiny bite of lettuce.

Me:   “So what is it that you do?”

Jane: “I can’t even explain it to you because it’s just so much stuff.”

Me:  “Ok, so you can’t even just tell me one thing?”

Jane:  “Well I own my own company and it’s very stressful.”

Me:  “What kind of a company?”

Jane:  “A computer company.”

Me:   oohh god. “What kind of a computer company?”

Jane:  “I’m just really busy. Sooo busy….”  and she shakes her head. After two bites of lettuce she says that she’s completely stuffed.

WHAT THE FUCK!!!  So that was pretty much the tone for the entire night.  Boring as hell and strange beyond belief.  In addition to owning some mystery computer company, she models and acts.  In my head I was thinking, who would hire acne-fest over here to model?  Maybe for those dirty Asian porn magazines???  I did ask her but I’m sure you already know what her answer was.  “All kinds of action movies. I’m just soooo busy.”

I lost my appetite, especially after she told me she was building a house in the Hamptons.  Jane bragging about how much money she had was just too much bullshit for me to handle.  Jane asked for the check by snapping her fingers at the waiter.  I’ve never seen anything so rude before in my life, so I apologized to him and gave Jane a mean glare.  Since she was probably raised by wolves, Jane was completely oblivious.  All I wanted to do was get up from that table, tell Jane how crazy she was and then go home and IM all of friends about my experience.  However, I was in a big Karma streak at that time, and thought that doing that to someone would just bring me even more bullshit dates.  So I decided to hang in there and just finish the stupid date like a real classy lady should.

Jane suggested that we head over to the movie theater because she really wanted to see Catwoman.  Since she paid for dinner, Jane wanted me to pay for the movie tickets.  Yea…some millionaire she is!!!  My blood was boiling.  Throughout the entire movie, which was HORRENDOUS, I fantasized about telling her that I was going to the bathroom and then I would run out the front door and go home.  I thought that this girl deserved to be ditched in the middle of a date!  But then again, all I could think about was bad Karma and how I wouldn’t want someone to do that to  me.  So I stayed until the movie ended.  The best part about it was that we didn’t have to talk to each other.

As we leave the theater, Jane leaned in to give me a kiss.  I was expecting this so I turned my head and I’m sure that I had a disgusted look on my face.  Stupid Jane just ignored it and gave me a hug.  Finally, I was released from the worst date I’ve ever had in my life.  To top things off, the subway I was on going home caught on fire.  So much for Karma!  A few days later, Jane IM’s me on AOL and asks me out again.  I busted out laughing.  I told Jane that she was really rude and that I never wanted to see her again.  She said that she really liked me and was upset.  Oh god…so I put her on my  blocked list and thankfully never heard from her again.

I definitely learned my lesson about beer goggles. I can’t believe I made out with this freak!!!!

I never went out on date with a girl from a bar again.

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13 thoughts on “My Worst Date Ever

  1. Oh lord, I was cracking up here! I feel bad for you…I don’t know if I could stand being there as long as you did =O

    But now we have a new lesson to learn haha!

    Good luck!

  2. LOL. Reminded me of college, waking up with an array of new number to choose from. “Lindsey hott call this girl” or “Seriously fine Mandy” sometimes should have been filed better.

  3. This post is 7 years old, so I hope enough time has passed that you can look at this text again and realize how horrible and mean-spirited you sound. Your entire description of your date and your evening together only show YOU in a bad light. You show yourself to be petty, passive agressive, incredibly judgmental, low-key racist (saying you don’t find an ENTIRE VAST RACIAL CATEGORY attractive is absolutely racist), and you should be embarrassed that this testament to your terrible opinions is still viewable online.

  4. You are a racist asshole and a fucking freak. Your a horrible person lol and I trully hope you don’t find happiness. You are incredibly racist and “jane” didn’t deserve that. Fuck you cunt

  5. “Jane was actually Asian, which is not my type at all.”

    Really???

    And after reading the rest of this, I think you’re just an asshole and I feel sorry for that girl.

  6. This is one of the most racist and horrible things i’ve ever read, you complaining about jane being rude but you being completely rude and racist to her

  7. Sounds like you exaggerated and bullshitted a story just because you don’t like Asian women. It’s not her fault you’re a blind drunk bitch. Racism against Asian women from the mainstream to the lgbt community needs to stop honestly and it’s actually disappointing to hear people in the lgbt share this view. Shame.

  8. She’s Asian, and that’s not your type at all. I’m sorry, when you were proofreading, you saw that you typed that and were willing to post that? That sort of talk doesn’t even make you feel slightly ashamed of yourself? You can call yourself a classy lady, but then you can spew your bigoted talk all over the internet? Liking certain physical characteristics over others and all is fine, but an entire race?

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