My Not Coming Out Story

Posted: July 20, 2010 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , ,

I have a career, my own place in NYC, and a girlfriend of six years, but I still have not come out to my parents. I’ve never had a boyfriend and started dating girls when I was fifteen, so shouldn’t they just figure it out already? Well apparently not because once a week my mom will tell me,”I just hope you find a rich man. My friend’s daughter moved to New York too and found a rich man.”

Not coming out to my parents when I still lived with them was an obvious advantage of course. I would have girls sleep over all the time and they never had a clue as to what went on behind that door :o) However, now that I’m getting older, the whole situation is just really irritating. I know that I will have to tell them eventually, but at this point I choose to avoid the drama.

A huge part of the problem is that my family has never been close.
My aunts, uncles, grandparents, and cousins have never been in my life and my parents are just difficult people. I can sum up the personality of my father in one sentence: He still thinks George W. Bush was a great President. My mother on the other hand is just crazy. If you say something that she doesn’t like, you’d better watch out for the piece of furniture flying towards your head.  I know for a fact that my parents would disown me in a heartbeat.

I have easily come out in all other areas of my life. I told my sister when I was 16 after she asked me, “Are you funny?” My cover was blown with my sister when my girlfriend at the time spontaneously shaved her head and ended up looking like a big butch. I lost pretty much all of my friends when I came out in high school, but I never let it bother me.  I was too busy trying to pick up chicks anyways.  Thanks to Facebook, I now know that all those homophobic jerks in high school are now gay. I’m lucky enough to work in a very gay dominated industry so coming out at work is a piece of cake.  All of my straight girl colleagues think it’s kind of cool.

I just think that coming out to your parents isn’t meant for everyone.  My girlfriend is completely out to her family, but still makes up fake boyfriends at work.  There will always be a situation where coming out just isn’t a good idea, especially when you know that it’s going to be painful and unnecessarily dramatic.  Who needs that shit anyways….as long as you’re true to yourself right!

So what if I still have one pinky toe in the closet!

  1. blackwatertown says:

    It’s a central essential part of your life and who you are. Conveniently you don’t live in the same city as your parents (as far as I can tell) – so write them a short note letting them know. The longer explanation can wait for later if putting down words is very difficult (which it probably will be). Then you and they can begin to deal with it. Just a thought from my distant position of ignorance.

  2. zenperest says:

    you are absolutely right! i havnt come out anybody except one gay friend of mine. i think it would be painful and absolute drama so i delay it. 😀

  3. Two of my best friends and former roommates are in a lesbian relationship, and they both just came out to their parents. One family is Catholic; the other is disgustingly fundamental. It was heartbreaking for me to watch the pain they went through. They got called “selfish” and “demonic.” Never mind that they are in love and happy.

    Moral of the story: if keeping your pinky toe means keeping the peace and saving you needless stress… Yes.

  4. When you are ready (it takes time) you will come out to the whole wide world and you will be very, very, very happy! Being in the closet even with only a pinky toe I’m sure causes you pain in some way. Your pinky toe is also part of you! Don’t be afraid. Your own fear of everyone else’s fear is what causes you to stay in the closet so – be brave… Again you will pull that toe out when you are ready!

  5. BBDOTORG says:

    :). Well said well put

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